day in the life

Friday, November 13, 2015

5:50 am – Middle school son’s alarm goes off. Continue to try to sleep.

6:30 am – Hear first toddler’s rumblings. Lay there anyway.

6:45 am – Wake up elementary kids. Endure both school girls’ loud stomping.

7 am – All children awake. Half of them are crying.

7:23 am – Yell at children to get out the door to the bus because no one happened to listen when I said “Watch for the bus” and so it’s waiting on them. One leaves without glasses. All leave without coats. 

7:25 am – Feed Bonnie and Clyde breakfast. They stand at the kitchen door like the goats at our local dairy waiting for the tourists to feed them their pellets. They scream at each other because they cannot be bothered to eat their own food from their own bowls even though both have been served exactly the same thing.

7:45 am – I try to consume some coffee. Two sips.

8 am – I try to interest Bonnie and Clyde in toys. They refuse. Running on the top of the table wins out. In between scolding, bribing, and time outs, I have to forcibly remove them from the top of the table approximately 85 times in the next 20 minutes.

8:25 am – Someone forgot to shut the eldest son’s door completely. I replace his belongings, I climb up into the loft to remove the child who thinks if they just crawl to the back corner that I will let them remain up there. I shut the door.

8:27 am – I realize that when I shut the door, I only managed to actually remove one toddler from the room. The other commences loud banging and MAMAMAMAMMA from the other side until I retrieve them.

8:30 am – I find the eldest daughter’s glasses in her room. I spend several minutes deciding whether or not I should take them to her. I decide to do it, if only because it means the toddlers will be strapped into their carseats for a half hour.

8:40 am –While I’m getting dressed, the toddlers find my laptop and change the screen orientation. Something they often do and something that I yet to figure out how it happens and exactly how to fix it without twenty minutes of four hundred steps and restarts.

9 am – I load Bonnie and Clyde in the van. I leave them in there for a bit so I can brush my teeth, pick up some toys, and drink a half-cup of coffee.

9:30 am – We return from the school, and I lock Bonnie and Clyde in the kitchen with me so I can work on dinner. I decide to try to save pennies by using a bunch of stuff we already have in the fridge. While I’m layering up what I’ve decided to call enchilada casserole, Clyde grabs the sour cream off of the counter, goes through the gate that apparently I did not latch tight enough, and proceeds to eat it in the dining room, on the carpet, by the fistful. I find him and the carpet and the dog covered in sour cream moments later.

9:47 am – After mess clean-up, I return to the kitchen, making sure the gate is securely shut behind me. While I’m chopping something on the cutting board, Bonnie and Clyde open the fridge, pull out a dozen eggs, and proceed to smash three on the floor and one on the dog’s head.

10 am – The dog and I have successfully cleaned up the raw egg mess AND prevented the toddlers from consuming raw egg in the process. I stick the dinner in the fridge for later, and we move on to the living room.

10:10 am – Is it naptime? I give Bonnie and Clyde a snack which only succeeds in kicking off thirty solid minutes of crying for lunch.

10:40 am – I try to distract them with toys. I try to distract them with books. We end up ‘playing the piano’ together.

10:55 am – I stick the popcorn chicken (non-hormone, non-antibiotic popcorn chicken, obvs) in the oven. Bonnie and Clyde get out their plates, cry for water, cry because their plates are empty, cry because I won’t give them candy before lunch, cry, cry, cry until the timer rings upon which they commence dancing and jumping “FOOD IS DONE! FOOD IS DONE!”

11:15 – Lunch is over. That was a short reprieve.

11:30 – Diapers changed, lunch cleaned up, and I sit down with Clyde to put him to sleep. Bonnie sits beside us with her binkie and blanket. 

11:45 – Clyde is asleep and in bed. I put Bonnie to sleep in her bed. 

12 noon – Here’s where I should accomplish adult tasks. Instead I find the rest of my cup of coffee, and I’m not proud of this next fact, but I drink it anyway. Then I nap.

I’d write about the afternoon too, but I’m too tired.
Blessed are you, mamas of multiple toddlers, for one day, they shall grow up and then you can rest.

photo credit: via photopin (license)
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