Thursday, June 4, 2015

In a facebook conversation with a friend this week, I found myself answering her questions with unexpected candor. As much as I value vulnerability in my relationships, it surprised me that there were areas of my life, fears and dreams, successes and failures, that I had never said aloud to another living soul. Not my closest friends here, not my husband, not even in my journal, quite honestly. I suppose part of it is that no one has ever asked me the questions. Maybe half of the battle to vulnerability is believing that someone genuinely wants to know that part of you. But what's the rest of it? What would make me expose some parts of myself to someone who doesn't even live in my state anymore as opposed to the people I see every day, every week, or even every month or so?

I'm, too often, the person who doesn't know how I feel or what I think until I write it down. That's exactly what happened to me in this conversation with my friend. I read back what I wrote and was extremely glad that I had already pressed enter because some of it was so surprisingly exposed (at least it seemed that way to me) that I wanted to take it back. I'm going to guess that some of you are also familiar with this feeling I'm having: that feeling of being exposed and the gut reaction of wanting to clutch everything tight again, physically draw the words back into myself. 

In the aftermath of all this introspection, I'm left wondering why these particular things are things I've been keeping to myself. I'm wondering who I should've been sharing them with, if anyone. The older one gets, the more you know the value of having some secrets and maintaining a certain amount of privacy, particularly in our social media culture, and just because I can share something doesn't necessarily mean I should. I'm reevaluating my relationships and wondering where I can move forward with greater authenticity.

Are these things you struggle with too? What's holding you back from vulnerability and authenticity in your relationships? Are there things you haven't even voiced aloud to yourself that might need to be said aloud today? There's power in giving something voice. It takes courage, but it's the first step that's the hardest. Maybe you also need to give something voice today - if so, this is definitely a safe space. Leave a comment or email me.

Let's be brave together.

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