springtime cometh

Thursday, April 3, 2014

My unofficial hiatus from writing lasted a bit longer than I had hoped it would. I’ve been reading a ton, writing a little, and hoping for the day when I have uninterrupted time while my children are gone or sleeping to write for real. It turns out I’m not that great at writing while my children are awake. I simply cannot muster the multitasking skill it takes to write seriously with my children present, even if they’re quietly engaged elsewhere. We have a lot of children which means that one of them is nearly always awake. Nearly always, no matter the hour. I wish I were exaggerating.

I hope spring is bringing a change. We’ve had two or three successful long naps for Sweet M in her crib - a huge accomplishment considering she has only been willing to sleep in her crib at nighttime until now. My oldest has a new job delivering papers, baseball season is starting, and long afternoons of fishing are nearly upon us. The middle three will spend every waking moment outdoors, most of them on the trampoline, as long the as the weather accommodates. It’s almost time to stock up on popsicles, and in spite of my deep and intense love of all things winter, I could not be happier about it.

My health still isn’t cooperating quite the way I’d like, but I have an appointment with my endocrinologist in two weeks. That visit will give me a next action step no matter the outcome. In the meantime, having the emotional symptoms partially under control allows me to deal with the physical things with a little more sanity. Plus: springtime. If you’ve never lived in the North, you have no idea what it is like when those first few warm March days arrive. People say the South is friendly, but I’ve lived in the southern regions too, and they got nothin’ on Northerners who are collectively seeing the sun for the first time in months. We all emerge from a mutual depression, and there is nothing in life – not pain, not health problems, not sorrow, not stress – there is nothing that holds a candle to our joyful demeanors.

We’ve been on several walks around our little neighborhood when the weather has allowed. Our lakes haven’t been this full in awhile thanks, I’m sure, to the excessive snowfall this year. The joy that springs up in my soul when I inhale the spring lake air and listen to the ripples against the shore, when I send my son off, fishing pole in hand, and talk with the neighborhood kids while I swing side by side with them at the park – it fills my entire being with air. I get really frustrated in our tiny little house, particularly in winter, constantly murmuring about the ridiculousness of seven people sharing less than 1300 square feet. Then I remember that this beauty is my backyard. There is nothing else in this world that speaks peace to me quite like the water. IMG_2606

April is National Poetry Month, so I leave you with this favorite from e.e. cummings.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

For everything which is yes. Life and love and wings. I am at rest.

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