on marriage and work

Friday, April 11, 2014

Today is my 16th anniversary, and tomorrow I get to watch my baby sister marry her best friend. Marriage is the best kind of hard, and I can honestly say every moment has been worth it. We hear too much about divorce and ugly parts and not enough good. The good is that after 16 years, marriage can be very, very good.

You don’t get there by chance. It’s not enough to be in love with each other. (Can we just for a moment talk about that quote about how a successful marriage is about falling in love many times, always with the same person? No. Just no.) It’s not enough to live together. It’s not enough to just have romance. It’s not even enough to have children together. You intentionally put one another first. You intentionally sacrifice. You intentionally become vulnerable and build trust.

There is work, and it is hard some days. Some things come into our lives, into our marriages, and they are the messiest kind of ugly. They are traumatic and difficult, and dark times sometimes threaten to overwhelm. That’s how I know it’s by God’s grace that we’re here. It’s by His grace that our hardest, most despairing moments didn’t tear us apart. It’s by His grace that we’ve been able to build something so strong and true that I don’t doubt it. Ever. And it’s by His grace that we learn to never, never rest in that, never take it for granted, never forget that our marriage deserves all of us every single day.

And…off my marriage soapbox. Since I still have packing and ironing and playlist-making and all of the other wedding preparations to do, I’ll just leave you with my favorite love poem. Visit John Blasé’s site. You won’t be sorry.

Love Poem No. 7

Of all the things we’ve meant to do
I’m most happy we’re still together.
That’s what we promised on that late
June afternoon, to grow so intertwined
only death could hope to unravel us,
and even then, seeing what a pain in the
ass that would be, death might relent
and decide to let us pass on, together.

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