newborn update

Monday, July 8, 2013

I need to preface this by saying that I am fairly sleep-deprived. Bringing home a tiny foster baby from the hospital is remarkably similar to bringing home a tiny baby that you actually birthed. Except. Pregnancy recovery. Labor and delivery recovery. Hormones. Hormones. Hormones. Can’t say that I’m missing that part of babying.

We won’t have had a caseworker visit until Sweet M has been home a week, so we’re still a bit uncertain as to what this particular placement will be. The waiting is kind of getting to me a bit. That, and the lack of sleep.

This small and premature of a baby is definitely a new experience for us. I’m just so nervous about everything. That wasn’t a feeling I had with my other babies. I tend to be fairly relaxed about babies in general. Except this one is small. She technically shouldn’t even be born yet. I find that simultaneously miraculous and terrifying.

All of this adds up to a rollercoaster of a few days. All the confidence I felt about this decision being right has fled in the face of fear and exhaustion and overwhelming love for this tiny new life. The beginnings of placements are always emotional for me, and this is no exception. Last night, right at the moment I was feeling pretty low, a friend posted a link that contained exactly the words I needed. Just the right encouragement. If you’re struggling with fear this week like I am, if you know the terrifying feeling to pour yourself out with no guarantees, if you are the middle of a ‘yes’ that is out of your comfort zone and beyond your ability to handle it, then maybe her post will help you too.

“We only have these few years on earth to love a broken world.  And it may be that we’re called in radical ways to get over ourselves and hug this place without letting go….

Wake up and embrace a dangerous path, because we know who we are and we know the One who gives strength.”

Live while you're alive - The Roundabout Way of Christina Gibson

Nearly everything about foster care is beyond me. It’s hard and messy and uncomfortable. I do not have the strength to do it on my own. But I know who I am. And I know the One who gives strength.

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