the past weekend

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

This past weekend? The one where I did the really hard thing that I didn’t want to do? I’m afraid it’s changed my life a bit, and I don’t know if it’s good or bad or what it all is, except I know this one thing: I am still scared.

I went to a conference for adoptive moms. Alone. Literally alone. Lest you think this was not a big deal, I remind you of 1) my introvert tendencies and 2)a woman I had only met online picked me up at the airport, and later that night I met another woman that I shared a bed with for the weekend. Weird, right? It was a Big Deal.

Overheard the first afternoon: “Erin?? Hi!!! I’m so and so….wait. So you AREN’T the Erin I’m sleeping with tonight. Sorry!”

Now, maybe this doesn’t seem odd to you. Maybe people all over the world are going to conferences all the time and rooming with people they don’t know. I just have never heard of them until this weekend.

There’s some Stuff that I’m working through from this past weekend. That much is fact. I won’t be able to write about that for a bit, probably. It’s gonna take me some time.

But there is also Rest. Even though I was up too late and too early every day. Even though I went alone which was a bit anxiety inducing, to say the least. There was rest. Sitting in a room with 450 other adoptive moms was just…restful. I didn’t need to explain anything. No one told me they “didn’t think they could ever do THAT.” No one second-guessed my parenting decisions and questions and insecurities and fears. Everyone KNEW. I can’t even describe what kind of weight was lifted off of my shoulders for the whole weekend. It was easy. It was restful, and that’s something I haven’t experienced for a long, long time. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go, the push from my husband to actually purchase the registration, and that pesky little word of the year that I chose. Yes. The scary and the peaceful. The anxiety and the relief. It’s just YES.

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