one word 2013

Thursday, January 3, 2013

I gave up New Year’s resolutions several years ago, and last year, I focused on three words for the year. This year, I wasn’t going to pressure myself to come up with one word, but that word came to me anyway. I hate it, and it terrifies me. I just can’t escape it or explain my way out of it.

Day 2 morning copyYes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you;
your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.
Isaiah 26:8

Catch that first word? Yes.

I feel like I spent a lot of time saying no last year. Sometimes to good things. Sometimes to things I needed to say no to. Sometimes All the time to my children. Sometimes to myself. Sometimes to God.

I spent my time with clenched, angry fists and sometimes, a closed heart. Denial was the name of the game for so very many things. My inability to relinquish control cost me dearly.

No, I’m not sick.
No, I don’t need help.
No, I’m not yelling at the kids too much.
No, I’m not tired.
No, I won’t be content with a small, extremely full house.
No, I won’t give my opinion. (Because I am too lazy to deal with confrontation.)
No, I won’t do that thing I know I’m supposed to do.
No, I’m too scared to be vulnerable with that person.
No, I couldn’t ever go anywhere all on my own.
No, my feelings weren’t hurt. I’m fine.
No, I don’t want to give that up. I deserve it.
No! I can do it myself.
No, I won’t give You control.

This year is the year I say yes. Not yes in the sense that I’m going to say yes to everything that comes along, but yes in the sense of surrender. Be it unto me according to Your will, oh Lord. Yes to humility. Yes to weakness. Yes to asking for help. Yes to opening my heart fully to new relationships. Yes to vulnerability. Yes to sacrifice. Yes to my small house. Yes to my many children. Yes to my persevering husband. Yes to whatever You have for me, no matter how terrifying it is. Arms spread wide, hands and heart opened. This is the year of my ‘yes’. The yes that brings peace to my family. The yes that brings healing to my body and soul. The yes that makes it always and forever, only about Jesus. All for Him and for His glory. Yes.

P.S. Did I say I was terrified? It bears repeating.

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