abandonment revisited

Thursday, August 23, 2012

This week, I find myself again parenting some sad, scared little children. It seems no matter how long things go, I can’t build enough trust in my own two littles to overcome their fears. It seems that even after nearly 6 months with us, I can’t take the place of his true mama in a little baby’s heart.

So I’ll spend the week trying to rebuild lost relationships. Changing pair after pair of my daughter’s soiled underwear, cajoling a reluctant little boy to make eye contact and forgive me for abandoning him for a couple days, and holding a small baby close while he weeps with grief, even though he tries to push me away.

Parenting traumatized children is a learning curve, to be sure, and fear and grief manifest differently in each of them. Seeing those hurts, feeling the effects of them – the soul aches with the depth of their past and their pain. It is unimaginable that children hurt so deeply, but even so, we move forward, sometimes with a pull, sometimes a push. We teach them that they are more than their past, than their feelings. That they are valuable beyond measure, that they are loved, that they are chosen, that they are precious. It’s a work in progress, but we keep on…

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