irony

Friday, January 27, 2012

Today, I was trying to find something in a post, so I was looking back through recent weeks of posts…and I read this:

I have been doing a pretty good job of keeping my impatience, my habit of yelling, my anger towards the kids in check. Our home has been continually getting more peaceful. I still fail at this a lot, but I’m pretty pleased with how much more often I succeed than fail.

Weelllllll……..

What I wrote is still true. I am doing better. I do want that to continue, but I still have days. Boy, do I have days. Days where I don impatience and anger like a comfy robe. Too unwilling to change into my big girl clothes.

I want to blame it on the kids. On their squabbling, on their defiance, on their annoying, annoying habits. Let’s not pretend, though. It’s me. I am the biggest control of the atmosphere in our home. I am in complete control of my own behavior. That teaching mantra we use all the time on our kids, “Who is the ONLY person in charge of how you react?” Turns out I should be preaching to myself a little more often.

This isn’t an excuse. Not even a little. But the last few weeks since we returned home from the holidays have been tough. It has taken all of us a very long time to get back into a schedule. All the children, but Brenden especially, have had some fall-out from the trip. I expected it. It happens, not just in families like ours. Change in routine is hard. It takes adjustment.

Do I know what to do? Yep.
Am I doing it? Not so much.

Discipline. Even my parenting needs it.

So here it is:
I will lower my volume and soften my tone.
I will start doing therapy sessions with Brenden. Several times a week.
I will start acting kindly even when I don’t want to.
I will hug and touch all of my children every. single. day. Even when they’re so annoying I don’t think I can take another minute.
I will affirm my children every. single. day.
I will say yes at every single possible opportunity.
I will apologize and seek forgiveness. Every single time I’m wrong.
I will not get discouraged when I feel like I’m getting it wrong more than getting it right.

Last night I apologized to Brenden for not being very nice to him lately. I asked him to forgive me. He says with his arms around my neck, “I forgive you lots of days.”

Ouch. Today I’m thankful for the grace of a very small boy who will lavish it on me without reservation, day after day. Today I’m thankful for the grace of my God who will do the very same.

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