ever the same

Monday, January 9, 2012

In the spirit of my anti-resolution year, and in homage to several blog writers who’ve already done this (Rage Against the Minivan being the one I read most often), here are the things I don’t want to change this year:

  • I like my husband. I like him a lot right now, and anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that this isn’t always the case in marriage. Love: always. Like: well, sometimes that’s more difficult than others. We are having a lot of fun together right now, and I do not want that to change. It takes some effort for sure, but the payoff has been worth it.
  • I love my husband. More than ever before. We are more in sync than we’ve ever been. We are more committed to our part in this great big God Story than we’ve ever been, and as a result, we are more committed to each other. Our favorite quote/marriage motto is this: Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
    Antoine de Saint-Exupert
    So even though this season of our life is very hard, and we feel like we’re always looking outward, we know that marriage is not about us. Not even a little bit. It takes a continual dying to ourselves, and we fail a lot. But we’re better at it now than we’ve ever been, and we are more intimately connected as a result.
  • I have been doing a pretty good job of keeping my impatience, my habit of yelling, my anger towards the kids in check. Our home has been continually getting more peaceful. I still fail at this a lot, but I’m pretty pleased with how much more often I succeed than fail.
  • I have the privilege of being on a team that is working to make some significant changes in the foster care system in our county. Good stuff. Exciting stuff. I love it and am really looking forward to what this year brings with this team.
  • I have become much more comfortable with my body. I weigh more than I want, but I’m still considered to be at a healthy weight for my height. I’m not as fit as I want to be, but that is a separate issue from body image. It took me awhile to come to grips with my vanity. Because if I’m a healthy weight and I’m working on my fitness, then my desire to be ‘skinnier’ to look ‘better’ is just vanity. That doesn’t honor God. It doesn’t fit with my feminist values. It’s just bad all the way around for me. I’m feeling good about where I am right now.
  • We’ve been eating better this year. I want that to continue. Less processed, more local. That’s definitely something I don’t want to change this next year.
  • I have really reached a new level of intimacy with God, a new place with Him where I haven’t really been before in quite the same way. I think, as in any relationship, sometimes it’s just hard work, but it’s not work for me at this point. I desire Him more than I desire other things in my life, which definitely hasn’t always been true for me. If I have extra alone time in my day right now, I’ve stopped having to make myself read the Word, pray, or worship instead of wanting to spend it on Pinterest, on other blogs, on watching TV….really when I have extra alone moments, I want to spend them with Him. It’s life.

So there you have it. Gifts. All of them. I wish I could claim credit, but these things I love, these things I want to continue – they’re all gifts. I keep on counting…

596. an ever-increasing desire to be more like my Savior
597. patience to bless my children with
598. humor in frustration
599. snow and cold air
600. warm blankets and slippers
601. a white metal diaper pail
602. an olive-wood dove from the West Bank – the hope of peace
603. long expanses of clear blue sky
604. God’s Word read aloud, made alive
605. the pursuit of an uncluttered home
606. my 3-week-old nephew’s sleeping facial expressions, the sweet smell of his head
607. smartphones
608. cool green avocado paired with the heat of a Serrano chile
609. a man whom I like to share my life with
610. spiritual kinship with a close friend
611. encouragement from my mama
612. hugs and loving proclamations from my oldest daughter
613. the mischievous dark eye glimmer of the littlest
614. seeing myself reflected in the eyes of the man who loves me
615. walking with a limp

I’m listing more gifts than normal. Building yet another layer into this discipline that hasn’t been work at all. Are you taking the Joy Dare this year?

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