in suffering

Friday, December 16, 2011

Yesterday, I came home from a perfectly lovely, although loud, girls’ night out (although, I’ve learned yet another truth about myself. I’m too old for a college area sports bar. Far. too. old.) to find that my mom’s first cousin had died in a car accident. He was kind, loved Jesus, was a father of 7 children, and we were bonded in a different way than I have with the other cousins as his youngest child was adopted through foster care about a year and a half ago. He and his wife talked with and encouraged me through our initial licensing and foster placement.

Today, while it is sad to lose your father in any circumstance, I am just broken for their little girl who was also in the car with her mom and dad. She has a broken collarbone, they think, nothing too serious. But I can’t stop grieving for yet another loss in this tiny little life who is the same age as my Brenden. For a little girl who has lost everything already and has now lost the father that she has known and loved for most of her life. For how she felt alone at the scene and in the hospital since her mom was also injured in the accident. I can hardly bear to think of it.

So today I grieve.
For his wife.
For his oldest daughter who is many, many states away from her parents and literally due with her first-born any day.
For that first grandchild whose birth will always be shadowed with this news, who will never know his or her grandfather.
For the rest of their boys who are now left to navigate teenage years and young adulthood without their dad to teach them how to be a godly man.
For the rest of the girls who will not have their father to walk them down the aisle at their weddings.
And for their youngest daughter who has already gone through more pain and loss than any person should ever experience and now will have even more.

I know the truth. I believe the truth. But I also believe God is not frightened by our suffering. He is not threatened by our angry questions. He definitely doesn’t get mad at us when we doubt. So while it is my temptation to answer all questions with Christian platitudes and to quote Scripture at tragedy, while truth is truth no matter the circumstances or feelings, while in my heart of hearts I trust the One who loves us, today I just want to ask…Why?

No comments:

Post a Comment

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan