medical vagueness

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Yesterday, I had a minor medical procedure. One that will eventually result in me taking one less medication for a large portion of my life, so I’m pretty pleased about that. Here are the things I’ve learned from an in-office surgical procedure:

1) It is difficult to explain to your children a medical procedure that you do not want them to know the specifics of. I settled on, “I’ll be getting a shot today.” It leaves a bit to be desired, but seeing as how “magic” was my go-to answer for how babies were born for most of their toddler years, I consider it an improvement. (Yes, yes. I know the perils of lying to my children. They know the truth now.)

2) I dislike getting shots in my hip. Intensely. Never had one there before, and it hurts like a sonofabitch. (Insert Lily’s voice here)

3) I also dislike shots of epinephrine. Especially when they don’t warn you it’s coming. Suddenly your heart’s taking off like a racehorse, and you don’t know why. It’s fun. Thanks for that, medical team.

4) It’s sort of unnerving for your surgical procedure to be performed by a ten-year-old. I mean, I know he’s probably older than that (Doogie was 16, right?), but come on, I’d at least like a doctor who shaves. Also, he’s soft-spoken. Very soft-spoken and almost, well, effeminate in nature. I hate saying that because that always comes across so offensive and that’s not my intent, but I don’t know a better word to describe his softness of demeanor and body language. It’s just enough to make me feel uncertain of his authority. Poor guy. I wanted to respect him. It just wasn’t really happening.

5) I have a difficult time sleeping off pain meds. It takes forever. I felt more normal about suppertime, but until then. S  P       A           C        E       Y.

6) There was/is no pain. It’s fantastic. If I were being more specific about this procedure, I would highly recommend it. Love me some pain-free surgery. I did not have high hopes as the ‘no big deal’ spot I had removed from my lip several weeks ago ended up being MUCH more painful and uncomfortable than they let on. 5 days of sutures in the lips = 5 days of close to misery. I can totally understand how people go insane from chronic pain. (It was even that painful, just extremely uncomfortable all. of. the. time.)

7) No matter how old I am, how many children I have, how long I’ve lived away from home, my dad still knows how to love me well. (I like him quite a bit. He’s pretty cool.) He dropped off my get-well flowers on his way home from work, and they are gracing my table as we speak. Well, I’m speaking. You’re just reading. Maybe.

No comments:

Post a Comment

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan