in the battle

Thursday, April 28, 2011

We are in the middle of a huge battle for our family. Things are not going well in the system on behalf of the children in our home. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the best place for Mr. B and Baby R is in our home. The professionals involved, including Mr. B's therapist, the supervising psychiatrist in his case, and the Children's Services psychiatrist all agree. However, the adoption matching team is in severe disagreement with these assessments. Or, at the very least, they have very serious questions and will not make a decision. So what is the problem? We are confused and hurt and angry and very fearful of what the future might hold for Mr. B and Baby R. We don't know what to do.

I feel like when we get hope in this case, it becomes a little about me. I start planning for the future. I start dreaming about our family as they grow. However, when Mr. B and Baby R are threatened, it becomes all about them. I can't reconcile the fact that God may allow something bad to happen to these children. again. Haven't they had enough?

Today, my prayer is, "God, enough." They have had enough. They deserve better than this. Last night Mr. B prayed, "Jesus, thank you that I never have to go back to [a previous abusive home]. Please can Papa and Mama and Ben and Maggie and Jepperson (Jefferson) be me and [Baby R's] family forever? Amen." I feel slightly guilty because I'm sitting here, telling him that Jesus stays with little children, that Jesus loves little children, that Jesus listens to little children. Will He? Will He prove Himself real to this almost four-year-old little boy? I believe what is happening right now is shaping Mr. B's faith for life. Will this be yet one more thing he has to overcome?

Once again, God! Enough! Please!

We have a meeting next Wednesday to discuss whether or not visitation will continue and what is in all of these children's best interest. It will not be a decision meeting, just a discussion meeting. But it is very important. Very, very important. Then, we've been told that another matching meeting will not occur for another two and half months. We hope that's not true. Except that it does give us two and half more months. I will take whatever time they give me. I would not trade two and a half more months of uncertainty for five more days of knowing they're leaving. Whatever they'll give us, we'll be doing the best we can. We'll be praying for a miracle. Praying for answers. Praying for victory. (In the spiritual sense, not a 'personal' victory)

We will fight for what's best for these children if necessary, in any way we can. It's somewhat against my Mennonite-ness or perhaps just my nature in general to think about fighting, but one of my very best and closest and oldest (not in age, but in friendship years) friends this week reminded me that if there was ever an occasion for us to find Biblical backup for fighting, this was it.
Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17
He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. Deuteronomy 10:18
Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. Psalm 82:3-4
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Today, I am clinging to an Old Testament story of a battle. One that I feel God is giving me for this particular situation. I don't yet know if this story means that we won't need to fight at all, but I do know that we're not being called to 'fight' right now. Right now, we're to take up our positions and stand firm. I don't think that means do nothing. To take up your positions would indicate action. We're going to defend. Stand up for what's right and just. Advocate on behalf of our children. If God chooses to take us further into this battle, then we'll have to seek His will at that point. Right now, we choose to put our eyes on Him.
"For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you....This is what the Lord says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.'" 2 Chronicles 20:13, 15-17


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