Thursday, April 14, 2011

Today I stopped to get donuts on our way to the doctor's office with Mr. B. I wasn't exactly sure why because donuts should theoretically be a treat, and these ones were kind of pricey anyway. I spent a little bit feeling guilty about spending the money on donuts with no discernible reason why...then I realized that it was because I'm scared.

Because I'm terrified that I won't have the rest of Mr. B's life to get him donuts for a special treat.

Because I want him to have donuts (which happen to be his favorite treat) every day for as many days as I have him.

Because he deserves answers, and I'm still so very scared that when we get the answers, they will be full of even more pain.

Because if that happens, I want him to remember that at one point in his short little life, he had a Mama who loved him enough to get him donuts just because.

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