Thursday, November 18, 2010

After receiving some upsetting news about this case and the children we love, I am struggling with my emotional response.  It's difficult to not overreact to any news we hear.  We were not necessarily surprised by this particular bit of news, but we were definitely disappointed and feel slightly betrayed since we were led to believe that we were past this point.  This morning, in addition to all of that, I woke up pretty angry on behalf of Mr. B and Baby R.

I know what I will hear when we get around to sharing this news. Things like "God is in control.  God has a purpose in this.  God will take care of these children."  While I believe all of these things to an extent, I also am having extreme difficulty in this.  Sure, God is in control.  Sure, God can take care of these children.  But...He doesn't always take care of children.  Children get hurt all the time.  Children die.  They are orphaned.  They are abused.  They get moved from place to place.   He doesn't always intervene, and at that point, the 'God has a plan' line just doesn't cut it for me.  His plan is for these children to experience even more pain?  His plan is to move these kids from the only safe and loving home they've ever known?  Eh.  I have a hard time with the platitudes.  Do I trust God?  I'd have to say yes.  Do I trust that what happens to these children will be good for them?  Definitely not.

Trust is a lot of work.  I'm in a lot of pain.  It'll get better.  Or it'll get worse.  Either way, I still choose God.

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