Friday Listmania

Friday, October 29, 2010

I think this blog looks like my life is too focused on the intense and difficult things.  Not true.  Well, partially true, but here is a random list of other things that make up my existence.

1)  I have new running shoes.  My old ones were four years old, and they had no support whatsoever anymore.  I know you're supposed to replace them every six months, but I always assumed that advice to actually be for runners.  Which I am not.  Well, I do run on the treadmill at the gym now.  As a result, my feet hurt a little because my shoes are not yet broken in.  More support, sure, but the pain is about the same right now.  I think I finally get running a little bit at least.  There is this one point where your muscles get all warm and tingly and you don't actually feel like you're working at it anymore.  I read this lovely runner's blog where they describe the feeling as 'orgasmic'.  Seriously?  I hardly think so.  Although it has changed how I look at the runners I see at the gym.



2) My eldest son has planned the Halloween costumes for next year already.  Apparently my plans for this year were unacceptable.  He prefers our entire family to go as a theme.  This year, he is Max from Where The Wild Things Are, Maggie is a pink fairy, Mr. B is a pirate (in the cutest pirate costume known to mankind.  It was Maggie's, and I had always hoped we would have another child who would wear it.), and Baby R is a ladybug.  I realize that cute costumes do not constitute a theme, but come on.  Ben has decided that next year we are going as cowboys and Indians.  He wants to be an Indian chief, Mr B and Maggie will be cowboys, and Baby R will be a baby Indian princess.  He wants a bow and arrow.  He decided it would fantastic if Baby R could have a dagger.  You did read that correctly.  A dagger.  Somehow babies with daggers is terrifying to me in a way that I really cannot explain.  Probably the same reason I'm so scared of Chucky.

3)  Several of the blogs I've been reading lately have listed all the books they're reading.  I was always a one book at a time kind of gal, but since we have so many children, I'm now reading four different books.  All at once.  Whenever the mood strikes me.  Until I fall asleep.  (usually about 2 minutes into the book)   Current List:  The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis (full disclosure: I've read this before, so I'm skimming it for an online book study I'm doing), Nurturing Adoptions by Deborah Gray, Fields of the Fatherless by Tom Davis, and a fiction book that I can't remember the name right now.  Yep, it's that good.  I have about twenty books in my to-read pile.  Eager to get to them, but I've decided that four books at a time should really be my limit.

4) I really wish that I were going to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear tomorrow.  We'll settle for DVRing it while we're cleaning the house.  Which is a pigsty.



5)  In spite of my desire to attend said rally, I hate campaign season.  I am longing for the day when it's over.

6)  I met Maggie's friends at the Halloween party this week.  They all have names that start with 'M'.  Is she prejudiced against other letters?  Have we not taught appropriate letter tolerance?  I'm fearful for what this means for her future, and am praying that she finds a husband named Matt as opposed to Millard.

7)  Millard reminds me of Millard the Monkey and my love for Jungle Jam which around here, airs every Saturday morning at 10:30 am.  I know this because my children like it.  Yep.  That's definitely the reason why I know when a children's radio program airs.  As well as every word to the theme song, which I definitely do NOT sing very loudly when it comes on.


8) I am currently listening to my daughter coach Mr. B on Trick or Treat.  Mr. B says "Twick ow tweat"  It's adorable.

9)  Tonight I am going to celebrate my sister's birthday at a favorite Mexican restaurant.  Wendell is keeping all the kids since he has determined that I need this time out.  It's brave of him because Baby R does not like me to leave her.  ever.  Even with Wendell.  She's pretty attached to me, which I definitely found charming for awhile since Ben and Maggie used me for food and then rejected my affections in favor of their father at a very, very young age.  It's no longer charming.  I really need people not to hate her when I have to leave her somewhere for babysitting.  Hopefully this stage ends soon.  In the meantime, I will enjoy my margaritas chips and salsa and celebrate with my sisters and friends and forget that Wendell might be miserable at home with the baby.

10)  And now for your moment of Zen:

embarrassing displays of emotion

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

yesterday, I was with Mr. B waiting for his therapist at the center where we go. It's also a health clinic, a prenatal clinic, and the location of the foster care nurse and health unit. While we were just waiting, and I was thinking over how difficult he was being lately, how I was contributing to that, and how I just need to have some more tenderness and patience with him because he is just a hurt and traumatized little boy, another foster mom came in. I don't know her. The only reason I knew was because our beloved foster care nurse went over to greet her and the baby (well, he was probably 2).

The baby was crying and crying, and I was suddenly just overwhelmed. This poor child was clearly traumatized and distraught, and the cry was just this one of heart-breaking sadness. I hear the foster mom say, "He's missing his mommy"  I thought I might break down into an ugly cry right there in the waiting room. Fortunately, I had Mr. B on my lap and he wasn't noticing anything around him, so he neither saw this child nor my distress. What pain our kids are going through. How sad this must make God. My heart is broken today for these children, these families, the brokenness of this world. I am resolved to continue to follow God's voice in ushering His kingdom in here on earth, and I long for the day when all will be restored.

ode to the gym

Saturday, October 9, 2010

whilst exercise has never been the bane of my existence, neither have I ever truly loved it. until now. I think this has little to do with the actual exercise and much to do with my new gym membership.


Dear 24/7 Gym:
You are becoming such an important part of my life. I long to visit your soothing green walls and black trim. I relish the idea of your fancy equipment where I can watch the Buckeyes' game on my own individual screen AND listen to my ipod while working out.   Most importantly, dear Gym, you are never busy when I am there. This is probably because I go at hours that no other people actually desire to exercise during. But the result is that you are quiet. So quiet. Except for the hip-hop that I can listen to at blasting volumes through my private headphones. Most importantly, there are no children there. No one under 16 is even permitted in the gym. No one is saying, "mama, mama, mama. mama. mama. mama." No one is tattling. There are sometimes grunting men, but I can drown them out with my hip-hop. Yep, you and I are going to have a long and fruitful relationship.
I may love you,
Suzanne

love

love on display is the ultimate apologetic
Francis Shaeffer

unexpected answers to prayer

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

we received word yesterday that Baby R's great-aunt dropped out of asking for custody. This is exactly what I've been praying for, yet I was caught completely off guard. I know that God does answer prayers, but I do not often expect that He will answer my prayers for my own desires in the way that I want.


according to the caseworker, the great-aunt was the very last family in the running for Baby R. I don't know what this means for her permanent custody situation at this point.


Today Mr. B and Maggie watched Beauty and the Beast. I worried that it might be a little scary for him. He spent a good deal of time talking about who was going to die, who had died, this person was dead, that character was dead, etc. I don't remember Ben or Maggie talking so much about death. It disturbs me a little and makes me sad for what he may have been exposed to in the past.


In other news, I am certain to win foster parent of the year since this evening, I saw Baby R use her push toy to push the box barrier I had created for her out of the way and crawl down the step into the mudroom. I was cooking, so I let her be for a little bit. About 2 minutes later, I round the corner to see that she had pushed open the unlatched storm (read: heavy) door and crawled out onto the porch to stuff dog food from the dog bowl in her mouth. Apparently not even heavy doors will keep Baby R from dog food. Terrific mothering on my part. I don't think I'll share this story with the caseworker. Hope she never reads this blog...
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