empty house again

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Miss O went home yesterday. This morning Ben came into my room and says, "the house feels so empty without Miss O, Mama." He's right. Our house feels empty again. As does the space in my heart waiting for a child who can live with us forever.

I'm glad she got to go home to her parents, but we definitely miss her. She never was ours nor did she ever feel like ours. If she hadn't spent the four days before she went home sick with a double ear infection and a terrible cold, I probably would have felt better about sending her home. But all I feel right now is exhausted and a little depressed. While she was here, I had something to occupy my time and thoughts, but now that she's gone, I feel all of those angry and sad feelings coming back. As much as I want to wallow in my misery however, I recognize the unhealthiness of that. Time to look foward, keep working, keep praying, keep hoping...

a bit of grace

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Almost two weeks ago, MIss O came to live with us. We know she's not with us permanently, and frankly, I hope she's not with us for long because her mama is very capable of caring for her. She's just caught in a system that really doesn't want her at all, but government moves so slowly.

However, I feel like she's a tiny bit of grace in my life right now. She's so easy to care for and such a good baby. She has inspired me to remember what we can do in this system. I feel ready for something harder, something more emotionally involving, something with the possibility of permanence. While I wait though, I can enjoy her smiles and kisses. I am still praying for her reunification with her family, not only for her sake, but for our family's as well. Ben is completely infatuated with her, and I have concerns for how attached he is to this particular baby. I want him to attach and to love MIss O. But I know what's coming, and it will be painful for him. I don't want my children to hurt, but I am immensely proud as a mother to see their compassion and caring hearts towards others. They are learning at a very young age what it's like to love like Jesus does. That's what I've prayed for and will continue to pray for in their little lives.
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